If you would’ve told me twenty years ago that, in the second act of my life, I would’ve been making moves to become a writer and author, I would’ve been shocked because I thought I was going to be a teacher, then stay home with my kids, and then . . . I don’t know – be a substitute teacher so I could have the same hours as them? I hadn’t really thought much past having kids.
Those kids are now teens, and instead of becoming a substitute teacher, I became curious about writing. And I am so excited to say that I am querying agents for my memoir about being an eldest daughter and how my people-pleasing habits led me so far away from myself that by the time I became a mom, I had to figure out what was more important: be true to myself and disappoint people or stay stuck in a life that didn’t feel like mine.
I have to say, this pivot has been a long, slow process, kind of like a giant cargo ship that contains all my emotional baggage changing direction in the middle of the ocean. It started way back in 2006 when I (gladly) left my career as a junior high language arts teacher to become a stay-at-home mom. Then in 2009, after my second baby was born (and absolutely had postpartum depression even though I didn’t know it yet) and was bored from years of mind-numbing playdates where we mostly talked about diapers, baby food, and developmental milestones, I started my blog Mommy on the Spot. The moms in these playgroups never talked about how hard it was to care for these tiny people while constantly being triggered by your subconscious fears of never being good enough, and I needed a creative outlet to put all those thoughts that were rattling around in my head. But to be honest, I had always wanted to be a writer – I just never really admitted it to myself because I had shoved that part down deep so I could focus on more important things, like chasing the approval of literally anyone rather than figuring out what I wanted to do.
I could’ve never guessed what was to come next after I made the decision to follow my passion for writing. I was published at The Mother Company, The Huffington Post, and the now defunct Detroit News MichMoms. I also had a semi-regular spot on a moms panel on Live in the D, a local Channel 4 news show, and was selected to be a cast member for the Metro Detroit Listen to Your Mother Show.
And yet, I felt like something was missing. I felt like there was a book inside of me scratching at a way to get out.
I thought once my youngest was in kindergarten, I would just magically find the time. But between part time jobs and doing all of the things (all of the things!) as the primary caregiver with a husband who travels a lot for work, I couldn’t find the space.
I started to practice yoga as a way to deal with this nagging anxiety, and whenever the class was asked to set an intention, I asked for help. Please, Universe, send help. Send me a mentor. I don’t know how to get started, I would silently plead.
About nine months later, I was chosen to be a guest on Elizabeth Gilbert’s Magic Lessons podcast. Elizabeth helped me get started by asking me to write my story, a permission slip she called it, and had Cheryl Strayed share her advice on how she combines motherhood with writing. You can read more about that experience here and here. Later on that summer, Elizabeth checked in on me when I was flown out to New York City to meet her which was part of the Nightline interview. Honestly, all these years later, it still feels unbelievable!
Because of all this magic (pun intended), I went deep, deep, deep into a writing cave. I wrote eight drafts and met some great teachers and friends in the Write Your Memoir in Six Months class and classes hosted by Jane Friedman. But honestly, so much more happened in that writing cave than writing a memoir. I picked apart the saddest, most painful parts of my life like a forensic scientist, digging for details from every angle trying to figure out what had happened to me, and the process alchemized my pain to reveal who I was away from those stories. Which was shocking to me because who was I if I wasn’t this whiny, oversensitive little girl who was always overreacting? (Turns out I’m a lot of things I never even thought I could be).
When I first was making my way out back into the world, I started talking about what I learned on the podcast I co-hosted called Then She Did. A Quest for More and in my monthly newsletter. I also started posting more on social media because I’m OBSESSED with Instagram and TikTok (please do not ask me to reveal my weekly screen time, I don’t want to lie, and I don’t want to tell you because it’s embarrassing). I also have a Substack newsletter where I write about boundaries and pop culture moments and everything in between including my publishing journey!
I’m so glad you’re here and cannot wait to chat with you!
erin janda rawlings, writer 